Why I Recommend Keeping Wedding Speeches to Three Minutes
Wedding speeches can be some of the best moments of a reception.
They can also be the moment when you start seeing people reach for their phones, have side conversations, get up from their tables, or stop paying attention.
That's why, during the planning process, I usually recommend keeping speeches to about three minutes.
Three minutes isn't a hard rule. I'm not standing there with a stopwatch waiting for someone to hit 3:01.
I just think it's usually what's best for the reception.
Three Minutes Is the Sweet Spot for Me
Three minutes gives someone enough time to say something meaningful.
You can tell a story. You can make people laugh. You can say something personal. You can talk about the couple and finish with a toast.
But you also have to get to the point.
I've found that once speeches start getting longer, there's a greater chance of losing the audience.
You can see it happening.
Phones start coming out. Side conversations start. People get restless. Someone gets up from the table. The speaker is still talking, but the room isn't really with them anymore.
Now, if someone is four or five minutes into a speech and the entire room is engaged, laughing and listening, that doesn't bother me.
The three-minute recommendation isn't about enforcing a rule.
It's about giving someone a good target before the speech starts.
It Matters Even More When There Are Multiple Speeches
One longer speech might not have much effect on the reception.
But speeches add up.
If you have three people speaking and each person talks for three minutes, you're already around nine minutes before you account for transitions between speakers.
If everybody decides they need six or seven minutes, that part of the reception can become pretty long.
That's why I think about the speeches as a group, not just individually.
And if a couple wants five or six people to speak, I'm not going to tell them they shouldn't.
Those people obviously matter to them.
I'd rather help make that part of the reception work.
That's when keeping each speech relatively quick becomes even more important.
Make the Speech About Both of Them
One thing I notice with wedding speeches is that sometimes the speech becomes almost entirely about the speaker's relationship with their best friend.
The best man talks about the groom.
The maid of honor talks about the bride.
And the person their best friend just married barely makes it into the speech.
To me, a great wedding speech talks about both of them.
It can absolutely include stories about growing up together or what your friendship means to you. That's what makes it personal.
But eventually, bring it back to the two people who just got married.
That's why everybody is there.
Inside Jokes Are for the After Party
Inside jokes can be funny.
The problem is when they're only funny to the two people who understand them.
If you're telling a story and two people in a room full of wedding guests are laughing, you've probably lost everyone else.
Inside jokes are for the after party.
A wedding speech can still be personal without making the rest of the room feel like they're listening to a private conversation.
Tell the story in a way that lets everyone in on it.
Don't Embarrass the Couple
I'm also not a fan of using a wedding speech as an opportunity to embarrass somebody.
Don't do it.
You can be funny without turning the speech into a roast.
Remember who's sitting in that room.
Parents. Grandparents. Family. Friends. Coworkers.
There's usually a way to tell a funny story without making the bride or groom wish you hadn't told it.
The goal should be to make them laugh with you, not wonder what you're going to say next.
Bring Your Glass
This sounds like a tiny detail until someone forgets.
If you're giving a toast, bring your glass with you.
Don't wait until the end of the speech to realize you're about to ask everyone to raise their glasses and you don't have one.
It's a small thing, but it makes the ending smoother.
Finish the speech with an actual toast to the couple.
And Please Speak Into the Microphone
You can write the greatest speech in the world, but it doesn't matter much if half the room can't hear you.
When I'm getting someone ready to speak, I'll show them how to use the microphone.
Speak into it.
Keep it close to your mouth.
And don't keep moving the hand holding the microphone around while you're talking.
Whenever possible, I prefer using a microphone stand that I provide. It makes things easier for the speaker and helps keep the microphone where it needs to be.
The guests should be listening to the speech, not struggling to hear it.
Personal. Funny. Quick.
If I had to describe the wedding speeches I enjoy most, that's probably how I'd put it.
Personal.
Funny.
Quick.
Talk about both people. Tell a story the room can follow. Don't embarrass anybody. Finish with a toast.
And somewhere around three minutes?
That's usually the sweet spot.
DJ Raul C
New Jersey Wedding DJ & Reception Expert
I share more of my perspective on wedding receptions, music and the decisions behind the night here in The Reception.
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